You have likely heard the statement that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason: to spend twice as much time listening as we spend talking. It is true. Many of us could stand to become better listeners.
Research tells us listening is a skill with positive outcomes for both the talker and the listener. For example, good listening:
- Improves relationships by making interactions more meaningful.
- Builds trust. Good listeners are perceived as more trustworthy and understanding.
- Improves workplace communication. Good listening helps reduce misunderstandings, increases job satisfaction, and improves work performance.
- Improves well-being by decreasing burnout and loneliness.
- Improves learning. When people have good listening skills, they are better able to understand what they hear.
My observation is that there are many exceptionally good programs to help people improve their presentation ability and become better speakers. But are there as many skill-building sessions to improve one’s ability to listen and comprehend? I think not.
It could be because so many people feel they are already good listeners. Yet research shows people are worse listeners than they think they are. One study shows that people retain only half of what they hear right after it is said. Most studies show retention to be in the 17-25 percent comprehension range.
Still more research shows that poor listening skills affect more than 70 percent of employees, which leads to misunderstandings, errors, and stalled projects.
Here are a few tips for becoming a better listener:
Get it all in by putting aside distractions. Messages showing up on watches and so forth are distracting for listeners. We have all seen people in virtual sessions looking at their phone or multi-tasking. Listening without distractions takes discipline, which takes practice.
Display engagement. Tune in with your body language. Maintain eye contact. Opening your computer for note-taking may seem okay, but is it? Yes, if you are not getting instant messages or other notifications. It is okay to take written notes and put them into your computer later. Be sensitive to the person speaking. This is where the eyes should not be on the computer screen.
Ask questions and provide feedback. Ask for clarification to make sure you comprehend what is being said. Also provide feedback. There are those who are great listeners yet don’t speak up when their feedback would make a difference. (If you are the speaker, it is okay to ask for feedback and clarification from the listener to make sure they are hearing you.)
Do not interrupt. Count to three before responding. It helps the speaker and the listener.
Defer judging. Take time to attempt to understand the speaker’s perspective.
Show empathy. Be sensitive to the speaker’s situation and point of view.
Take notes. This can help with comprehension.
There is more that could be said, but if you can practice these tips, you are off to a good start. If you make only one change, my suggestion is to use the three-second rule before responding. Make good use of those two ears…you have them for a reason!
