In my book, Karma Doesn’t Need My Help: 11 Weekly Lessons to Leadership Success and Peace, Week 2 references one of the most damaging phrases ever for healthcare leaders: “I already knew that.” When a leader uses that phrase, the information flow from others slows or stops as people believe the leader already knows everything. Why? The leader keeps telling them that.
This past week, I realized there is a second-most-damaging phrase leaders should avoid. It happened a long time ago during a conversation with my wife of 32 years. She is also a nurse, and we worked in the same organization years ago. At the time, I was working to expand the volume of cases in her department, and while we usually avoided “shop talk” at home, the expansion plans led to a discussion in our kitchen. She asked me how I thought the department could manage the additional volume, and I said, “I know you can handle it.”
That, my friends, is what I have learned is the second-most-damaging phrase a healthcare leader can use. It can come in many forms, but the intent is the same. My reason for saying, “I know you can handle it,” was intended to show trust and confidence, and to state that I believed in the work ethic, capabilities, and capacity of the team in her department. Her perception? I didn’t offer solutions, I didn’t care about how my action was impacting her department, I cared only about money (ouch), and I lacked empathy. Wow. Last week, many years after I made this statement, she called me out. And I deserved it.
Leaders need to be careful about the harmful messages we send, which are almost always unintended. We are always “on stage.” Everything we communicate, verbally or nonverbally, is accepted as gospel. We are not allowed offhanded comments, quips, or a bad hot take. We own every communication. That requires intentionality in understanding the time, place, tone, and intent of what we say. More importantly, we own how our comment is perceived.
Action Steps: When “on stage”—and remember, you always are—consider this approach:
- Understand the “Why.” Before responding, assess why the question is being asked. You may have to ask, but that is better than assuming and then having to own the bad hot take.
- Know What You Want to Accomplish. Keep the end in mind. What is the goal of your communication? Motivation, problem resolution, trust, confidence? All of the above?
- Communicate Clearly. Be intentional with your words, remembering the audience, time, place, and the “why” as to their question. Watch your nonverbal cues too.
- Ask for Feedback. When you respond, immediately seek feedback. I didn’t do that with my bride. The conversation above was held years ago, and she called me out last week. How many times had she replayed that discussion in her mind?
Accept that you are on stage all the time, be intentional and careful in your communication, and (at all costs) avoid the phrase, “I know you can handle it.” The alternative is a damaged relationship or a lack of confidence in your leadership.
In healthcare, trust is built in little moments like these…and lost in them, too. Say it right or be ready to repair it later.
For more real-world leadership insights from Dr. McDougal, check out Karma Doesn’t Need My Help: 11 Weekly Lessons to Leadership Success and Peace by clicking here.
