Mark Clement, president/CEO of TriHealth in Cincinnati, Ohio, sent me a link to the video “Handle Hard Better.” The video is a talk by Kara Lawson, the women’s basketball coach at Duke. As I watched it, my own experiences came to mind: times when the going got tough and I quit, times when I did not quit, and the difference between the two. I also recalled stories about occasions when someone wanted to quit and did not, often due to the influence of someone else.

I am deeply involved in creating ways to retain people who are new in their job and/or in the organization. In my experience, a higher percentage of people who quit do so early on in their employment. And this scenario is increasing.

There is a connection between one’s ability to handle the hard stuff and their likelihood of leaving a job in the first three months. It also impacts how they navigate life in general. Looking at my own experiences, there were times when the reason I did not quit was I did not think I could. I had to feed myself and my family.

I was working in an auto plant, racking parts to be chromed. The work was extremely hard. The parts were very sharp. It was normal to go through several gloves at each shift. It was piecework, which means a low base salary. Additional pay is based on production. When I received my first paycheck and it was at the minimum, I was crushed. As I looked at my output and what it would take to achieve the production needed for more pay, I cried. If there had been another job available, I would have quit and taken it. There was not. In a matter of weeks, I got much better at racking and was hitting regular pay bonuses. I stuck it out till my experience allowed me to achieve the production quota.

In the video by the Duke coach, I heard many helpful items. For example: Have realistic expectations. Often, we think that if we can just get through the phase we’re in now, things will get easier. This is not true. What happens is we handle hard better. Yes, gaining experience will mean things will get easier; however, things will always be hard. When something is accomplished, the bar will often be raised. This is not a bad thing.

In studying a variety of people who have gone through hard things to achieve success, I have noticed some common themes.

• They are passionate about what is taking place. The hard stuff is necessary to achieve the goal. And most of the time, the goal is very values-driven.
• They learn from others. They reach out to find solutions. They know they do not know all the answers. Some top leaders say, “I have a lot to learn.” Is it a sound bite or is it real? The best learners visit others, read books and articles, view videos, and ask for help.
• They learn to take feedback without being overly sensitive, which is a barrier to achieving the needed outcomes.
• They have realistic expectations. They understand things may not turn out as they thought, or, at best, not on the timeline they thought.
• They have grit. Yes, they may take a break; however, they learn and get back in the action.

While this column is about not quitting, it doesn’t mean people should never quit. After giving a situation a fair shot, quitting may be the best option. At times, the situation is just not the right fit, personally or professionally—but it takes some time to know that for sure.

We all go through hard times. I was complaining to a person and after I finished my whining, they looked at me and said, “Who do you think you are that life should not happen to you?” The comment stuck. Life happens: the best parts, the good parts, and the not-so-good parts. But in any role, those who do the best and are the most satisfied in their situation are those individuals who handle the hard stuff.