Many give credit to Mark Twain for famously saying, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” In 23 years as a hospital CEO, some of my most intelligent leadership moments were when I didn’t know what to say…so I didn’t say anything. As healthcare leaders, we have continuous “zingers” where someone does or says something that is totally unexpected. It throws us off. We just sit there and think wow.
My worst moment was earlier in my career when a subordinate said something crazy, and I laughed and said, “Seriously?” They were serious. That relationship was damaged for good.
The challenge is how we respond to the zingers. We certainly cannot control the actions or inactions of others, but we can 100 percent control how we respond. There is a secret: If you don’t know what to say, then don’t say anything. I am not suggesting you sit there in total silence, but definitely do not say something of meaning or purpose if you don’t know the right thing to say. Silence in the form of a definitive response is a much better alternative to being wrong.
When you have those zingers, take this approach:
- Don’t overreact. If you have a poker face, use it. If you don’t have a poker face, you need to develop one.
- Check your nonverbal. That counts as a response.
- Stay present. Don’t allow your mind to wander to WTH is happening, or try to come up with an immediate response.
- Rather, respond by repeating what the other person told you to clarify and make sure you heard it right. And be careful not to suggest agreement or disagreement until you know your position.
- Buy yourself time. Unless it is urgent to respond, give yourself a day or two to investigate and come up with an intelligent response.
Mark Twain had it right: Silence, or the lack of a definitive response, can be your friend.
