I do my best learning when I’m working on something that does not come easy. Being naturally pessimistic, my focus is on ways to become optimistic. Being naturally afraid and anxious leads to the search to be grateful and less fearful. My search for results leads me to understand how important structure is to achieve the results. There is a saying, “I did not get what I wanted; however, what I got was what I needed.” Another statement that resonates is, “When I live in the past, I get sad or depressed. When I live in the future, I get anxious. Best to stay in today.”

More good news: Our own search can help others. The more we help others, the better we feel.

In my book The Calling: Why Healthcare Is So Special, I wrote, “A heart full of gratitude has little room for anything else.” I did not write “no room.” I wrote “little room.” Progress versus perfection.

Create a gratitude text group. 

It does not have to be large. I am in three morning gratitude groups. Two of them are me and another person. The other one is four people. Each day, we text the group three things for which we are grateful. Mine usually pertain to an activity, conversation, or learning. Lots of times, one of mine is the fact that I have another day. Most of the people in these groups, including me, were skeptical before we started this practice. Try it for five days. I do feel sending it to another person(s) is helpful.

Start meetings with a moment of gratitude. 

In the workplace, start each meeting by asking each attendee to share something for which they are grateful. This can shift the mood of the group and make the meeting go more smoothly.

Forgive and be kind to yourself.

I’ve often shared that it takes three or more compliments for every criticism for a person to feel good about their leader. Yet people are more likely to note what is wrong versus what is right. This is true not only for the messages we send each other, but also the messages we send ourselves. My observation is that people are not kind to themselves. We are much more willing to forgive others than to forgive ourselves.

My suggestion: At the end of each day, take time to think of and/or write down three positive actions you took. When asked by early careerists to share one tip for them, I say, “Be kind to yourself.” Yes, be aware of items you can do better; however, do not beat yourself up. I often point out that rarely do I see forgiveness listed as an organizational value. To create a great company, community, and/or relationship, it’s important to forgive and to apologize when needed.

I’d like to close with a message I share often: Be a “get to” person, not a “have to” or “got to” person. We get to rewire the mind and heart for gratefulness. That leaves little room for anything else.