What we permit, we promote. I learned this phrase from speaker and author Liz Jazwiec. If new ideas and challenges are permitted and celebrated, more of each will take place. On the less positive side, permitting can reinforce actions that are not good. For example: A person regularly shows up late, and nothing happens…a leader repeatedly misses goals, and nothing happens…a person gossips, and nothing happens. The results are lateness, missed goals, and increased gossip.
This type of “permitting” happens in immature workplaces. People tend not to speak up to others who break rules and standards. People are unwilling to go directly to the person they are upset or frustrated with. Instead, they go to their leader or others in the workplace to “tell on” the person. In a mature workplace, people go directly to the person. In my book The Great Employee Handbook, this is referred to as carrying your own message.
My own childlike behavior was changed when I worked for Mark Clement at Holy Cross in Chicago. I was in a VP role and was frustrated with another VP. We both reported to Mark. In a conversation with Mark, I mentioned items that I felt this other VP needed to get done. My plan was that Mark would say he would talk to this VP. I waited for that response. Instead, Mark said, “How did [name of VP] respond when you shared with her what you just shared with me?” I was stunned. He then said, “After you and she discuss these issues, if they are not resolved, we can meet together.”
Mark forced me to be an adult. I could either act or learn how to have a conversation with my coworker. This lesson continues to make a big impact on my life. If Mark had said he would handle it, I would not have learned to carry my own message. I would have just kept bringing issues to him.
A few tips:
- When a person brings a concern about another worker, ask what happened when they went directly to the person. Usually they will admit they have not done so. Then, spend time with the person building that skill set. A lot of energy is wasted when people go to others with their concerns about a person versus speaking to the person themselves.
- Do not accept general statements. For example: “This person is creating a lot of anxiety.” What does that mean? Ask for specifics. Words like “a lot” mean nothing without specifics.
- Make sure one of your standards of behavior is “Go directly to people with your messages rather than taking them to someone else.” Then, if they come to you first, connect back to the standards. It will be clear the person is not living them.
The best leaders create adult workplaces, not adult/child workplaces. In mature workplaces, things run more smoothly and productively, conflicts decrease, the culture improves, and people learn valuable skills that allow them to grow professionally and personally.
