There is a place for we/they communication, but it’s not in the business world. We/they motivates individuals and groups when there are two sides to the equation. It is commonplace in politics and sports. A coach may use comments from the other team to motivate their team and win the game. A politician may use we/they positioning to get out the vote. However, inside an organization where everyone is on the same team, it is not beneficial. We/they is a corroding thread that keeps the organization from achieving great outcomes.

An example is when a person explains something in a way that makes them look good at another’s expense or to brush off a decision that may not be well liked. Let’s say an employee asks their supervisor for something. If the company can do it, the supervisor says yes, and everyone is happy. But what if the answer is not the one the employee is hoping for? In that case, the supervisor is likely to say, “Let me run this by ___________ (their leader).” If it turns out the answer is yes, the employee thanks their supervisor. If the answer is no, the employee thanks the supervisor for trying and can view the person their supervisor went to in a negative light.

One clear indication that a we/they culture exists is when people say they like their leader “because they fight for us” or “because they have our back.” Who are they fighting?

I have facilitated hundreds of workshops. When people leave, they complete a survey. One of the survey questions is, “What one or two behaviors will you reduce or eliminate?” The number-one answer is, “Explaining things in a we/they manner.” They have come to see that a unified culture achieves better performance.

I do not believe leaders resort to we/they explanations on purpose. Often it is a result of inexperience. When we know better, we do better.

A few tips:

• Take time to explain what we/they communication is and why it is harmful. It actually undermines the leader who uses it.
• Provide skill development. Invest in each person so they acquire better ways to handle such situations. Teach leaders that when they’re unsure of how to respond, it is best to say, “I will look into it and get back with you.” Assure them they can discuss with their leader how best to handle the situation. Organizations do not relish saying no. However, they don’t have the resources to say yes to every request. Helping each leader own and explain the no, rather than pointing to someone else, is critical.
• Survey managers and ask them to send in questions they are hearing from employees. Bring the group together and review the questions and create ways to respond.

We/they communication creates distrust in an organization. Trust is the foundation of operational excellence. Investing in skill-building generates trust because it empowers leaders to demonstrate that the organization cares about each person’s well-being.

Today we focused on not positioning people in a negative way. Next time we’ll discuss how to position leaders, and the organization, in a positive way. Thank you for allowing me to share my learnings with you each week.