What is empathy? I’ve heard it explained as being aware of, sensitive to, and having the ability to vicariously experience the thoughts and feelings of another. Empathy continues to make a difference in people’s lives. Showing empathy in the workplace can start when an employee is first hired or takes on a new role in the organization.
When a person accepts a job, they do not do so with the goal of not having the job work out. When a person offers a job to an individual, it is with the feeling the person will do well in the role. The leader is excited to fill the role, and the person accepting the job is enthusiastic to start working. Both people want success. So why, when looking at people leaving a job, does the largest percentage leave within the first 90 to 120 days?
The same expectations apply when one accepts a role in leadership. Let’s say there is a job available in management. In your current job, you do not supervise individuals. You work in the area and are offered this role. You are now the manager. The announcement is made. People congratulate you, and you feel good. You attend manager meetings. You learn about the budget, staff scheduling, documenting performance, etc. Even outside of work, your family and friends are thrilled. When I became a department director, I called my father. He was a mechanic. He was so excited. He told all his friends.
Yet as you move further into the new role, you begin feeling uncomfortable. You might wish you hadn’t taken the job. You might even think about quitting.
In both situations, all parties are excited. They would not have taken the new role thinking that soon after starting they would either quit or want to leave the role. So, what happened? It could have been any number of things. A key one is the feeling of doubt. Or fear. People feel emotions like, I don’t fit in, Others are so much better at the job than me, or I feel stupid or less than. There is the natural tendency to compare one’s insides to others’ outsides. When one does that, they will usually think less of themselves.
By 2025, I will have spoken to more than 3,000 groups in over 30 years. Periodically I am asked if I ever get anxious or nervous before speaking. My answer every time surprises people. Now I don’t feel as much of it as I once did, and it does not last as long, but yes, there is always a bit of anxiety. I have acquired ways to reduce anxiety. One way is to remind myself that the great majority of the time, things have gone well. And I say to myself how fortunate I am that I get to do what I do.
In general, people are cautious about sharing how they feel with others. They have thoughts like, Will I look bad? or Will those I tell how I feel share it with others? and Am I the only one who feels this way?
Due to this discomfort, it is important to create a safe environment for those new in a job or role. That means showing these individuals empathy.
The rooms of recovery provide a safe place to share how one feels. The person early in recovery is often amazed to learn that others have felt or feel the same way they do. It is a good feeling to discover one is not alone. There are still actions to take; however, knowing others are on the same journey or have made the journey is helpful.
The same is true in the workplace. It is important to help the new person feel they are not unique and alone. Empathy plays an important role in this. If you follow me, you may have heard me say or write these suggestions before. You may already be doing them. (If so, please let me know how it went.) You may have gotten sidetracked and now will implement. Or maybe this is your first time learning of them.
Since individuals can successfully implement one, or at the most, two changes at a time, I want to provide two recommendations.
- When a new person starts in a job, early on bring their coworkers into a small group setting. Explain they are there to get to know each other a little better. Ask each attendee to share how they felt their first days on the job. It is a win/win. The more experienced people are brought back to their start and feel increased empathy for the new hire. The new hire realizes what they feel is normal and will be more comfortable reaching out to the coworkers and the leader. It works the same for people new in leadership. Have more experienced leaders share how they felt those first days in a leadership role.
- Have the new hire or person who has moved into a different role share how they got to the point of taking the job. The experienced people will know more about the person. It works best if everyone shares how they got to where they are. It builds relationships.
Why do people not stay in jobs? Because of how they feel. The above actions provide support, empathy, and the feeling that, My well-being is important.
For decades people have been onboarded in much the same way. Much of it is good. However, too many people leave early. The above actions will increase talent retention, and those who stay will feel better about the job, their coworkers, the organization…and themselves.
